


darling, just hold on

by aurumroses



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Reunion Fic, S7 Spoilers, Season 7 Spoilers, Shadam, adashi, also just to be crystal fucking clear, i couldnt think of a better title hjsafdawb, there are NO she/////ith undertones, theyre gay just let them be happy, this is an impulse fic, you shippers are nasty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 16:09:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15440745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurumroses/pseuds/aurumroses
Summary: the sun goes down and comes back up,the world, it turns, no matter whatoh, if it all goes wrong -darling, just hold onin which shiro returns from the stars





	darling, just hold on

**Author's Note:**

> sup heteros im here to hop on the adashi bandwagon 
> 
> anyways this is an impulse fic i wrote as soon as i calmed down after the sdcc announcement, but im still in shock?? canon lgbtq shiro who had a bf? and they were enganged? wowza
> 
> i hope i did a good job on this, even with the nonexistent adashi content except a small scene, and no info on adam's character. i just used shiro and his dynamic with all the other characters to base his relationship with adam off of, but that could be bad too? i'll have time to regret it later if it is
> 
> title is from "just hold on" by steve aoki & louis tomlinson

His heart thunders in his throat as Black descends closer to the desert surface, his pulse racing at the speed of light. He can already spot the dark mass of people gathered around the Garrison, searching through a sea of a million faces as they get closer for the only one he cares about. Shiro inhales deeply, trying to steady his thoughts and focus his mind. _If I see him, I see him. If I don’t, then I don’t; it won't matter,_ he lies pathetically to himself, hoping it will bring some semblance of comfort to him. It doesn’t. 

For all the time he’s been stuck in space, Shiro couldn’t think of a time he hadn’t been longing to return to earth, to fall back into his life and into Adam’s arms. At first, he was filled with excitement and wonder – a trip to Kerberos, to _deep space_ , wasn’t something that occurred every other day. Besides, he didn’t have much time until he wouldn’t have the opportunity to travel at all. And call him a selfish prick, but more than anything, that was what he yearned for; to be out amongst the stars, traveling in the midnight expanse with unbound knowledge waiting for him. But that was before the mission fell to flames, and – well, the rest of the story was known. Now, he wanted a steady place to rest and for the fighting to cease. He wanted a bed, a home; he wanted _Adam._ The mere thought of his name drove a knife through Shiro’s heart and made his vision blur. Screw the stars, and screw the adventure – he didn't need anything out there when everything he had ever wanted, ever needed, was on earth, safe and sound. 

But would he want to see him again? Would he still remember his face? Would he still know him, even after parts of him were _ripped out of him?_ Would he still love him, even after everything he had become?

Suddenly, Shiro is yanked back into his memories of the night before he left for the mission, of their fight and the decision he made. Shiro had turned it over and over in his head a million times that it was familiar and worn-down, like sea glass; nevertheless, it always managed to leave a dull sting no matter how many times he revisited it.

///

It’s another late night of tense hours, silent dinners, and unsure glances. Shiro wants to say something, anything that would kill the silence, but what the hell was he supposed to say? How could he say that he was going on the mission, how could he explain _why,_ without admitting he cared about it more than Adam?

For the record, he didn’t. Nothing would ever matter more to Shiro than Adam and Keith. But he wanted so badly to go on this mission with the Holts, to touch the stars and travel further than anyone would ever dare to go. It would likely be his last mission – just this one last journey to the unknown before he would be satisfied. (Shiro was lying – he would never be satisfied). 

“We should talk,” Shiro finally mumbles approaching the kitchen while hoping Adam hears. He does – he always listens to Shiro. Adam tenses, swallowing a sigh before turning around to face him. Shiro lifts his eyes to meet Adam’s, unable to ignore the way his heart aches as it yearns for his best friend and his better half, the person who had never given up on him, even when he had lost himself. 

“Takashi, I don’t – I don’t know what else there is to say,” Adam almost spits bitterly, his anger rising. Shiro rubs his temples, taking a deep breath before finding his words. He doesn’t want to fight – all he wants is to know that they’re okay, and that would be enough. Maybe shaky, and standing on uneven ground, but okay nonetheless. 

“Adam . . . I don’t want to leave like this,” Shiro is already begging, all of his inhibitions swallowing his thoughts at once. He can’t do this, not to Adam, and not to himself. _If he leaves, there’s only you to blame,_ a dark voice hisses in the back of Shiro’s mind maliciously. Shiro grimaces, knowing that it’s right, even though he so desperately wants it not to be. 

“So you’re choosing the mission over me.” Adam looks . . . he looks heartbroken, and the expression on his face nearly tears Shiro apart. 

“No, that’s not what I’m doing – I’m not choosing anything over you!” 

“Then what the hell are you doing, Takashi? Please, tell me how abandoning me once again after I told you I wouldn’t wait around isn’t choosing the mission over me,” Adam demands, his voice close to breaking. 

“You’ve supported me ever since we were assigned to each other’s team in the Garrison. You said it yourself, you’ve been beside me on every mission, and you’ve seen every accomplishment I’ve made. I can’t – I don’t want to go on this mission without knowing you’ll be alright.” Adam rolls his eyes at Shiro’s words, a brittle, humorless laugh falling from his lips.

“Of course I’m not going to be alright, Takashi - _how could I be?_ I’ve waited for you, every single mission you’ve been on – do you know how empty and cold I feel? And I can’t even be fucking happy when you return, because I know you’ll leave again the second you get the chance,” Adam choked, allowing tears to stream down his face. “You always do, and I know you only have so much time before you can't travel anymore. I know how important to you it is. But I can't watch you leave and wait with baited breath, only _hoping_ you'll be alright when you get back. Just . . .” The look on his face was one of anguish, accompanied by confusion and hurt. Shiro hated himself for it and hated that he was the reason behind it all. If it weren’t for him, Adam would be okay, without needing to worry about when the one person who wasn’t supposed to leave him would fly back to the stars, again and again. 

“How important am _I_ to you, Takashi?” Adam asks weakly, the last glimmer of hope that he might change Shiro’s mind fading. Silence falls between them, void of sound except their ragged breathing. Fear freezes the moment in place, taunting the panic within Shiro’s chest. His heart speeds into overdrive, his whole body flushing with heat as his thoughts blur through his mind.

“This is your decision to make,” Adam whispers suddenly, his voice hoarse and exhausted. “The sun will shine with or without you. The Earth will keep rotating on its axis, and it won’t matter if you’re gone or not. The stars won’t quit shining and the moon won’t collapse from the sky in despair if you leave. The world will keep moving, and so will I.” 

Shiro shouldn’t be surprised, but he is. He shouldn’t be hurt, because he knows he deserves to hear every word for what he’s put Adam through, but it feels like someone’s driven a knife through his heart and twisted it for good measure. He opens his mouth to say something, but what could he say? There was nothing he could do to change Adam’s mind, and he didn’t want to beg and plead with him, because Shiro knew he deserved better. He wanted better for Adam, but it still hurt like hell to acknowledge that Adam could, and would, be happier without Shiro in his life. 

Shiro lets out a breath, defeated. He won’t argue, and he won’t yell – not for a fight he know he’s on the wrong side of. He picks his head up, looking at Adam through the storm in his eyes, blurring his vision; but he still sees him, clear as ever. He sees his hands, the ones that have held his own, and cradled his body when it craved Adam’s touch. He saw his eyes, ones that have smiled and memorized the secret freckles on his shoulders with the scars on his body. Shiro’s eyes fell to Adam’s lips, remembering how they had tasted the salt on his skin and the stardust in his mouth, and how their galaxies had collided when they kissed. He looked at all of him, holding the image in his mind and keeping it close, hoping it would remain there until all of this was forgiven and forgotten, and Shiro could press himself against the steady rhythm of Adam’s life again. 

“I . . . I’m sorry. You’ve made your choice – now I’m making mine.” Adam’s shoulders curve forwards as he slowly walks to the door, reaching to pull it open. He hesitates slightly, waiting, _hoping_ that Takashi will say something. He would stay if he whispered even just one word. 

But he didn’t.

Shiro turned away as he heard the door fall shut, the door clicking into place as Adam stepped out. Shiro gripped the counter, every part of him trembling as he replayed the scene, over and over. Adam was gone, and if he meant what he said, he wasn’t coming back. And he knew Adam doesn’t make promises he wouldn’t keep. 

///

He’s pulled out of his nightmare when Keith senses his unease. Shiro feels the younger boy’s eyes flicker back to the black paladin, concern obvious; there’s a pause before he says, “You alright back there?”

“I’ve been worse,” Shiro replies dryly, leaning against Keith’s chair. He glances down at the younger boy, still trying to figure out when exactly he had grown up, both physically and mentally. The Keith he knew before he left for Kerberos was angry, scared, and desperately _lonely_ – but now, it seemed like he had become less terrified of himself, and more mature. He still had a long way to go, but nevertheless, he was proud of the man Keith had become. 

“Guys! I see my family!” Shiro heard Lance exclaim through the communication system as he set his lion down, his voice cracking at the end. He bolted out of Red’s mouth and into the crowd, immediately met by a swarm of people who all had Lance’s height and his wide smile. Hunk and Pidge flew out of their lions, reunited with their families at last. Hunk found his moms and his brother, and Pidge crashed into Matt, her parents holding them all tight together. 

Keith glanced back at Shiro, opening Black. He stood, placing a hand on his shoulder – he didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to; Shiro understood the look in his eyes. Keith smiled weakly before stepping back to Krolia and his space wolf, nodding at Shiro. Shiro relaxed for a moment, comforted by Keith before turning around to face the crowd. 

_He might not even be here. Why would he?_

Shiro took a breath before he stepped out, met with a mixture of cheers and confused whispers. He nervously touched his hand to his hair, then glanced down at his right, adjusting his eyes to the space where his arm should have been. Slowly, he felt himself smile, just barely, as he set his feet on the ground. Sam Holt and Iverson stood in front of him, their expressions carefully neutral.

“Still looks like you haven’t smiled in ages, Sir,” Shiro said, nodding to Iverson. Sam smiled before pulling Shiro into a hug, his eyes shining with tears.  
“Thank you.” _Thank you for rescuing me, and for never giving up. Thank you for protecting my children, even at the expense of your life,_ is what he said, all in the barest whisper of two words. Shiro felt his smile grow, nearly falling into another hug before a cry rose above the crowd.

“Takashi?” 

Shiro whipped around, his eyes wide as he searched through the people – a collection of _heys_ erupted from one end as someone emerged, their glasses askew and hair disheveled. Shiro felt his knees weaken as he nearly collapsed, still so devastatingly in love with this man. Adam, his best friend and his better half, who was finally, _finally_ standing in front of him again.

“Takashi,” Adam whispered hoarsely, slowly stepping towards Shiro. Shiro held his breath, terrified that if he dared to breathe it would shatter this delicate moment, as if it were all but a trick of his mind. And suddenly Adam was sprinting, crashing into Shiro’s arms as they fell into one another, tears streaming down their face.

“I’m here. I’m home,” Shiro managed to gasp, his throat closing in emotion. 

"I - I'm sorry," Adam mumbled weakly, his voice raw and vulnerable as his eyes glimmered under the sun.

"I know," Shiro whispered, holding Adam tighter as if the universe would steal him away at any moment; it was all far too good to be true.

“Ever since you left, I thought . . . God, I can't believe that you’re _alive,_ ” Adam said quietly into his ear, his arms tightening around Shiro. “I nearly lost you.”

“You didn’t. And you won’t,” Shiro replied, pulling back to look at him. Adam had remained the same. His eyes were still warm and welcoming, and his voice was as calming as Shiro remembered it. He was a little messy, but Adam was here, standing in front of him, tangible and alive, alive, _alive._

“I’m missing an arm. And my hair is white,” Shiro said with a small grin, gesturing to his right. Adam rolled his eyes, his hands holding either side of Shiro’s face like two parentheses, keeping him safe from the outside world.

“Space did a number on you, old timer,” he said, a lopsided smile creeping onto his face. Shiro felt his heart ache with longing, realizing again and again how much he had missed Adam.

“I’ve . . . got a lot to talk to you about,” Shiro mumbles, hoping Adam still caught on to the undertones in his voice that carried a different meaning. Adam nodded slowly in understanding, just as attentive as he had always been. 

“Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.” And Adam kissed him, gently, making a promise that the months of lost time would somehow be regained; that the memories that had been stolen would be returned. Adam promised to adjust, to listen, and to love, no matter how hard it would be. Shiro couldn’t fight a smile as he fell into Adam, filled with nothing but happiness for the first time in a long, long time.

**Author's Note:**

> so, uh, yeah season 7 was a fucking mistake


End file.
